Math was never Little Johnny’s strong suit. Numbers, fractions, and percentages always gave him trouble, and it finally caught up to him.
He came home looking defeated.
“Dad, I got an F in math today.”
His father frowned. “What happened?”
Johnny sighed. “The teacher asked, ‘What’s 3 times 2?’ I said 6.”
His dad nodded. “Well, that’s correct!”
Johnny continued, “Then she asked, ‘What’s 2 times 3?’”
His dad scoffed. “What’s the difference?!”
Johnny grinned. “That’s exactly what I said!”
A man had a morning habit that drove his wife crazy—loud, smelly farts every single day.
“One day, you’re going to fart so hard you’ll blow your guts out!” she warned.
He just laughed it off.
Then, on Thanksgiving morning, she saw her opportunity. While he was still sleeping, she snuck into the kitchen, grabbed a handful of turkey innards, and carefully stuffed them into his underwear.
An hour later, a scream echoed through the house, followed by the sound of frantic footsteps running to the bathroom.
A long silence followed.
Finally, he emerged, pale-faced and shaken. In a hushed voice, he whispered:
“Honey… you were right. But with some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got them all back in.”